![]() ![]() For example, you might say, “I noticed I had a reaction yesterday to _ and would like to talk to you about it. When you’ve calmed back down to a 0, 1 or 2, it’s a better time to talk about whatever triggered you. Used properly, the phrase you choose should help calm you back down to a much less intense level of emotion. Costanza used a good phrase- he had the right idea- but his emotional intensity was clearly at an 8 or so. Remember George Costanza’s father yelling, “SERENITY NOW”on Seinfeld? Mr. “Just because my spouse is emotional (at a 5 or above), I can stay at a much lower number.”.“To react right now would only do more damage.”.“I could react right now but I’m choosing not to.”. ![]() “I can stay calm and be okay right in this moment.”.Have a phrase you tell yourself silently to settle yourself down to a 1 or 2 such as.go into the bathroom to remove yourself for a minute.drink a glass of water or make yourself a hot, soothing, non-alcoholic drink. ![]() Here are some things that can help stop or slow down those instant reactions in the moments when you feel triggered: Although you should address whatever your spouse did or said that triggered you, the time for doing so is not when your emotions are heightened. What would it be like to keep your cool instead? This seems easy to consider when you’re calm, but can be very difficult to actually begin doing. What number did you get to from 0 to 10? Was your emotion instant or gradually building?ĭid you find yourself reacting with words or behaviors (exploding or shutting down)? Can you feel your self get triggered with:Ĭan you hear yourself get triggered with:
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